Guilt
by Captain Lavernius Tucker
Summary: Palomo asks a question that Carolina has no idea how to answer. Will update with other characters eventually.


Palomo was walking towards her. Carolina sighed and asked, "What do you want Palomo?" Carolina regretted her harsh tone when Palomo winced and appeared to lose about half a foot in height. Palomo timidly asked. "Carolina, is it OK if I asked you a question?"

Carolina responded "Yes, what do you want to ask?" losing her tone from before.

Palomo asked. "How do you deal with it?" At Carolina's confusion, he clarified. "The loss and the guilt, I mean. How do you deal with it?" Carolina winced. Palomo had never recovered from the death of his team on their first mission and Tucker's harsh looks and cruel words certainly didn't help, especially when Palomo latched onto one of only 2 other survivors in that mission, the same man who gave him this treatment. It also really didn't help that the other was a remorseless psychopath hell bent on destroying his planet and it didn't help that Palomo was so young when he experienced this and is still so young now.

Carolina, on thinking about this was brought back to Freelancer. She remembered California, his self-importance far exceeding his position on the second team. She remembered how South gossiped behind his back like a high-school popular girl hell-bent on ruining her ex's life. She remembered his look when he finally got sent on a first team mission. She remembered his body, with multiple energy sword wounds after a group of elites got the better of him on that same mission. She remembered Nevada, so often the object of jealousy by every woman on the MOI and even Carolina felt the sting of jealousy sometimes; she looked like a supermodel; curvy, long legs and with a big ass and bigger tits, she had it all. She looked like she should be the face of Dior, not part of an experimental army project where all her beauty could be ruined by a single bullet. Funny how ugly she looked crying over the dead body of California, clutching a ring given by him just 24 hours earlier. Carolina was the one who suggested she be buried it her hometown of Alamo after she found her in her room clutching her magnum, blood oozing out of her head. Carolina blamed herself to this day for their deaths; if she had just been quicker in getting to California, neither would have died and they could be living a happy life together, maybe even with kids, but all of that was ruined because Carolina just wasn't fast, or strong, or smart enough.

That brought her to another thought, this time about Wash and Maine. They were the two who never left each other's sides. She knew Maine and Wash even before the project – Maine was the jock who was captain of all the sports teams and Wash was the nerdy kid who played dungeons and dragons whenever he had time but despite them being opposites, even then they were best friends and she even saw Maine occasionally playing D&D with Wash, the two stuck in their own little world of Goblins and Dragons and the like. She remembered, soon after the three of them left for College, the director wanting the both of them in his military project. She asked them and they readily accepted, but Maine was placed on the first team immediately while Wash failed the initial tests and was forced to join how everyone else joined; through good service in the Army. When Wash finally joined the project, she remembered how the two embraced tightly and how South muttered "Get a room."

She had responded. "Let them have this, they have been best friends ever since I have known them, and I went to school with them." As soon as he joined the first team, their pairing was nigh unstoppable. She remembered how they wiped the floor with her in a two-on-one battle. At first, she was confused and a little scared that she were losing her touch, as she had previously beaten Wyoming and York at the same time, the both of them being considerably higher up the leaderboard than Wash and Maine, but she remembered just how well the two knew each other and she realised that there was simply nothing that she could do to combat their teamwork and unwavering faith in each other. When Maine lost his voice, she gave him Sigma in an effort to help the two friends communicate, but only later did she realise that Maine could talk to Wash just fine and Wash could understand his growls but at the time, she ignored her father's warnings that putting an AI in someone who the AI is not made for is very risky. Maine became more withdrawn to the point where Wash was truly worried for his friend's well being and she, being the moron that she was, had to one-up Texas and get 2 AI fragments again, despite the director and the counsellor's warnings and anger. Washington then too got an AI that he was not supposed to get, and it impacted him just as badly if not worse than it did his best friend. When she came back to hunt her father, she had learned how Wash was and is still a broken shell of the man he once was and how he was forced to help kill the man who he considered his brother, though not by blood. Carolina could never look Wash in the eye for fear that she would see hatred in them, as if to say, 'you murdered my friend' and he would be right to think that.

There was York, an alcohol loving lockpick who had been infatuated with her since that meeting in Errera. He never knew, but she also had feelings for him as he did her, but she pushed him away, fearing that he would get in the way of the mission and also how her father would treat him if they were together. Tex came along and Carolina shoved him into the deepest area of her mind as she had a new mission, beat the woman who was above her in the leaderboard and ultimately the thief of her father's praise, something that Carolina felt should belong to herself. York tried to help Carolina, and only later did she realise how much he sacrificed to try and help her. In the battle on the MOI, she saw York with Tex, and she saw red. She beat him up and returned the most valuable thing in her possession, his lighter. Only later did she find out that Wyoming killed him and she still blames herself for prioritising Tex over him, and maybe if she had let go and let Tex be better than her, which she was, maybe York would be standing next to her now and not in thousands of pieces in the water.

She saw Palomo look in confusion as to why she was taking so long. "O-oh right, sorry Palomo." She said, realising she had just ignored him. Palomo repeated his question "How do you deal with it?"

Carolina shook her head. "You don't."


End file.
